Step one: Search for your prey

Try to talk to as many men, women or grannies as possible until one gives in, which is torture if you have any sense of shame. Alternatively, pick one babe - pull up your trousers and go in for the kill...buy them a drink!

Step two: When you have picked, check them out properly:

- Are they breathing? They are? GET IN THERE!!!

- Are they as drunk as you are? Fine, so long as you're both still sober enough to know what you're doing.

- Are they currently kissing someone else? If so it's probably wise to find someone else...

Step three: Move in for the kill

Start with sexy glances and smiles across the room - hopefully they will be returned. If they're returned with daggers or middle fingers, try someone else!

When your mates get fed up with you, prepare to make a move. Wander over trying to look as cool as possible without looking like a complete nutter.

Stay and chat or run away, depending upon whether you pull or not; if they're actually cock eyed and you didn't know it's probably best to depart.

Finally, don't:

- Tell them you want to marry them and have lots of children and giraffes together - this will scare them off and if it doesn't then it should scare the bejeezus out of you.

- Throw up on their shoes, or down their top.

flirting & dating